Warrior Princess

November 10, 2011

Challenge #1,000,000,000

Filed under: Things Can Always Get Worse — ggirl @ 3:13 pm
My little dog – a heartbeat at my feet.  ~Edith Wharton

He has not learned the lesson of life who does not every day surmount a fear.  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I’ve decided that, as often as possible, I’ll catch up on the blog.  I find I miss this space of complete freedom, the opportunity to be just who I am at this very moment without the fear that people in my life will find their way into my deeply authentic self.
I euthanized Miss Woo on October 1.  It was, as always, incredibly heartbreaking.  However, as a Buddhist, I recognize that ultimately we will all lose everything we love.  Love given is always worth the pain.  “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”  Hard to live with that knowledge, hard to practice it every day, every moment.
Hubby’s out of work again, so I’m in a panic mode when I’m unable to see clearly how panic feels.  Mindfulness brings me back when I’m awake; sleep is another reality I’m as yet unable to moderate.  Last week, there was a job fair in town held by a new hotel.  Over 7,000 people showed up to apply for 300 jobs.  Hubby is looking and, in the meantime, working on some freelance writing that will actually generate some income.
I’m still working at the State.  The irony of that fact doesn’t escape me.  I spent years of my life trying to exit the control of the State (both small and large).  It’s not fabulous; bureaucracy has always been hard for me to tolerate.  Furthermore, benefits continue to be cut and, at this point, I’m really unable to care for the ongoing serious health issues I face.  As long as all I need to do is see a G.P. for all my answers, I’ve got my insurance needs met.  Looking for a new job, but everything in the labor market is volatile and it will be hard to find some certainty of stability.
I’ve had my fill of challenges, thought mine are small compared to those of so many others.  So it goes–one foot in front of another, of another, of another.

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