Warrior Princess

September 10, 2015

National Suicide Prevention Day, A Personal Reflection

Filed under: Suicide — Tags: — ggirl @ 7:07 pm

sad wolf eyrs

“No one ever lacks a good reason for suicide.” ~Cesare Pavese

Suicide and I are old companions.  My first suicide attempt was when I was eleven. I spent many subsequent years using all of my strength to resist its warm embrace.

My father killed himself over 15 years ago now.  His death changed everything.  I became certain, absolutely dead certain, that I would never give up my resistance to murdering myself.  For that is exactly what suicide is.

I never thought my father would kill himself, though the first time he spoke of it in my presence was when I was seven.  I understood the concept in a childlike way.  I knew it meant he was sad and I knew it meant he would be forever lost from me.  He continued to speak of it off and on all of his life.  My dad was a vain, narcissistic man.  He measured everything by how much it affected him.  When I was a child, he also took great enjoyment  in making me cry.  Suicide became simply another way of gloating over my pain.  How could he ever murder himself, his beloved one?

If you’re thinking of suicide, please please get help.  You will leave behind loved ones who have to deal with a nuclear bomb going off in their heads.  Period.  You cannot change it, you cannot make it better.  Please get help!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1 (800) 273-8255

Hours: 24 hours, 7 days a week
Languages: English, Spanish

If you have any inkling that someone is readying him/herself, finding the courage to leave, please let someone know.  Do everything you can to stop it.

Warning Signs of Suicide

These signs may mean someone is at risk for suicide. Risk is greater if a behavior is new or has increased and if it seems related to a painful event, loss or change.

  • Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself.
  • Looking for a way to kill oneself, such as searching online or buying a gun.
  • Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
  • Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
  • Talking about being a burden to others.
  • Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
  • Acting anxious or agitated; behaving recklessly.
  • Sleeping too little or too much.
  • Withdrawn or feeling isolated.
  • Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
  • Displaying extreme mood swings.

Additional Warning Signs of Suicide

  • Preoccupation with death.
  • Suddenly happier, calmer.
  • Loss of interest in things one cares about.
  • Visiting or calling people to say goodbye.
  • Making arrangements; setting one’s affairs in order.
  • Giving things away, such as prized possessions.

A suicidal person urgently needs to see a doctor or mental health professional.


Common Misconceptions

The following are common misconceptions about suicide:

“People who talk about suicide won’t really do it.”

Not True. Almost everyone who commits or attempts suicide has given some clue or warning. Do not ignore suicide threats. Statements like “you’ll be sorry when I’m dead,” “I can’t see any way out,” — no matter how casually or jokingly said, may indicate serious suicidal feelings.

“Anyone who tries to kill him/herself must be crazy.”

Not True. Most suicidal people are not psychotic or insane. They may be upset, grief-stricken, depressed or despairing. Extreme distress and emotional pain are always signs of mental illness but are not signs of psychosis.

“If a person is determined to kill him/herself, nothing is going to stop him/her.”

Not True. Even the most severely depressed person has mixed feelings about death, and most waiver until the very last moment between wanting to live and wanting to end their pain. Most suicidal people do not want to die; they want the pain to stop. The impulse to end it all, however overpowering, does not last forever.

“People who commit suicide are people who were unwilling to seek help.”

Not True. Studies of adult suicide victims have shown that more then half had sought medical help within six month before their deaths and a majority had seen a medical professional within 1 month of their death.

“Talking about suicide may give someone the idea.”

Not True. You don’t give a suicidal person ideas by talking about suicide. The opposite is true — bringing up the subject of suicide and discussing it openly is one of the most helpful things you can do.


It’s National Suicide Prevention day.  Please honor the 41,149 people who could no longer find the will to go on last year.  Educate yourself, spread the word, offer compassion and strength to people you know who may be making secret plans.  Honor the survivors of suicide by holding on to their hands as tightly as you can.

January 13, 2014

The Truth May Not Set Others Free


“Adversity is the first path to truth.” – Lord Byron

“My father committed suicide.”

“I have breast cancer.”

“I was a victim of childhood sexual, physical and emotional abuse.”

“I have a mental illness.  I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.” (see above)

When I was a young woman, I kept the secrets of my real life to myself.  Exactly like every other young person, I deeply longed to find acceptance by fitting in.  I studied long and hard to determine just what it would take for me to blend into the crowd.  I became a consummate chameleon.

I now tell the truth.when it’s appropriate.  The truth about my life’s difficulties isn’t something I share immediately, unless the topic arises in conversation.  If people wish to hear  a statement of fact, I provide them with as much truth as I believe they can handle.  Not everyone is capable of hearing everything. Some people have refused to shake my hand after I’ve told them about my breast cancer.

Some people change the subject quickly when the topics of abuse, mental illness and suicide come up.  Some people believe they know how I feel.  Others would like to hear the gory details about my life because they find it titillating. All of these responses have become predictable.

I don’t like to experience unpleasant reactions, but I believe that every time I tell the truth about these things, I chip away at stigma and intolerance.  I’m willing to face the consequences. I’m not trying to get a pat on the back nor is this a call for more people to take the leap of truth.  I just hope that I’m doing a tiny bit to create a future in which all that is profoundly difficult in life can be voiced without fear.  I hope that I’m standing in solidarity with all of the people who have, and continue to, suffer in silence.

May the truth liberate us all someday.

January 8, 2014

Remembering My Father

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — ggirl @ 11:26 am


“More people in the United States now commit suicide than die in car accidents—about one every 14 minutes or so.” = Linda Vaccariello, Cincinnati Magazine.

That’s right.  I’m not over it yet.

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